It’s almost 10pm on a Friday night. This time 10 years ago I would have been 3 pints of ‘Turbowine’ (Rosé mixed with Smirnoff Ice – no I don’t know how I’m still alive either) down, with the latest bit of ‘boom boom’ electro blaring, applying at least the 4th layer of make-up onto my face before GHD’ing my overly highlighted hair (cheers Beyoncé) into oblivion and heading out – to return most weekends at some point on Monday morning.
I’ve just spent 20 minutes sitting on my kitchen floor hand-feeding freshly cooked chicken breast chunks to my cone head kittens because they couldn’t get it out of their bowls.
Guess which I prefer?
For the past year or so, I have been ridiculously sensible. Almost to the point of becoming a hermit. I have been the epitome of hustle and focus, and I’ve reaped the rewards ten-fold. I was working 3 jobs, forgoing ‘treats’ and hoarding my money away like it was a magic ring and I was a little bald goblin. However something in the past few months has shifted in me, and I’ve realised that I had to be that way to land on my feet. I had to be that way to mend my broken heart. I had to be that way to learn how to grow the fuck up, and I had to be that way to learn who I am. Now I’ve come out the other side and I’m ready to live again. To find that balance.
So I’ve actually started making plans again. You know – outside of the house. At night.
I had one of the best nights I’ve had in ages rediscovering my techno persona last Saturday, and upon crawling in at 6.30am to two little faces waiting to be fed (kittens – not children) I realised I can do both – just probably not to the extreme that I used to! After a day of recovery on Sunday, I was out again on the Monday night to see a band I’ve wanted to see for the past 6 years.
I went out on a school night. Not only did I go out on a school night – I went OUT on a school night.
The band were immense, I stayed to party with them afterwards and I went home at 2am (I gave myself a curfew ha!) after a heated discussion about whether Dominoes or Pizza Hut was better (obviously the latter – come on!)
Needless to say, at almost 33 years old I can still party like (and with) the rock stars. I cannot however, recover like one. This week I have been FUCKED! I’ve eaten junk, not even laced up my trainers to work out and I’ve slept like the living dead every night, but you know what? I’ve found my happy again. I just need to work on getting the balance right! I can unleash my inner wild child without being a dickhead about it.
If you follow my Instagram (@shelly_c if not) you’ll know that I am still very much about the hustle and hard work. On Tuesday and Wednesday I was struggling to focus – and it pissed me right off. I have not worked this hard and come this far to let a hangover stand in my way. I’ve been there and done that. The beauty of learning who you are and what you want, is the ability to give yourself a kick up the arse when you need it. It’s the ability to know what is important.
10 years ago I would definitely have called in sick on the Tuesday morning. Instead I set myself a time when I wanted to be home. Stuck to it and got up and got my ass to work the next day. I did this for a number of reasons:
- I really REALLY love my job. It motivates me, it excites me and it challenges me. No matter what I do in my personal life, I point blank refuse to let my job slide, because for the first time in my life, I don’t have just a job, I have a career. I have goals for myself, goals for the business and goals for the team that I work with, and there’s no way I’m going to be that rusty cog in the machine. I want to be the sparkly, freshly oiled one that’s vital to its overall functioning. I have a way to go. But fuck me I’m going to get there.
- I value my health and my sanity. I don’t like burning the candle at both ends. I’m crap at it and it makes me cranky and useless.
- I like to feel alive, refreshed and energised. This week I’ve felt anything but. Yes I’ve kept the smile on my face, but that face has been T I R E D. It’s not a feeling I love to be honest.
- I’m in a really good place. I would actually go as far as to say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m comfortable in my own skin, I’m confident, I am surrounded by amazing people, and I am attracting more amazing, like-minded people into my life every day. I am very happily single – and enjoying all the fun and memory making that comes with it and I actually have my shit together.
I just need a good night’s sleep!
Overall this week, I have learned that in order to live a little, I need to lighten up. Yes I can be ON IT during the working week, and working towards where I want to be – but what about the fun times that are passing me by in the meantime? I am all for building a future for myself, but I really mustn’t forget to have a life that I love at the same time.
With that, I’m embracing everything I’ve learned about myself this past year. The fact that I’m actually ridiculously girly, kind and soft hearted – with a side helping of ‘don’t-fuck-with-me-badass’ chucked in for good measure. I don’t have to have a six-pack to love how I look in the mirror. I’m traditional – both at home and at heart, and I’m an introverted extrovert. I love a good night out, but I love a night in on my own just as much – because after everything else that I have going on in my life, I get to come back to my own home and my own little heartbeats and look around at my four walls and all that I have achieved so far.
If that’s not motivation to carry on as I am I don’t know what is?