Ad Magnitudinem Destinatus

ad-magnitudinem-destinatus

I am not an egotistical person in the slightest, if you’ve read past blogs of mine you’ll know that my form of humour lies in self-depreciation and that a large portion of my life was dedicated solely to crippling insecurities. I’m not going to re-hash them, I’m just making my point. So when I say I am ‘Destined For Greatness’, I don’t mean I think I’m the bee’s knees and that everything should just fall in my lap, I mean that I know I am capable of achieving monumental fucking things.

I have felt it in my heart and soul for my entire existence. I am not meant to have a hum-drum, ‘normal’ life because I am not hum-drum and normal! It has taken me almost 33 years to realise that the reason I have spent so many of my years suffering and in turmoil is because I was trying to conform. I was trying to fit in – and I’m not meant to fit in, so of course I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t being myself.

The ‘habits of your lifetime’ are formed between the ages of 0 – 4. During this time period your brain gathers all the information it needs to shape your beliefs and your values. I’ll tell you what, I’m really glad that I’m a Daddy’s Girl, as 100% of my core strengths formed at this age came from him. Furthermore, I’m really glad I met Jane, my amazing mom at the tender age of 8, and that together – they taught me how to be a great person.

I have a birth mother, although she is far from worthy of the name, and I won’t spend more time on her than I need to, but she was useless. Her main ‘gift’ to me? Bulimia. I grew up listening to her wretch into the bathroom after every meal, and so that became my ‘norm’.

My parents split when I was 8 and I lasted a meagre 6 months in the house alone with that woman before making the decision (yes – at 8 years old) to get the fuck away from her. We had about 15 years of a turbulent relationship and one of the tactics she used to ‘bond’ with me during that time was to tell me how alike we were because we both made ourselves sick, and how good it was to be able to eat whatever you want and just throw it all back up again. This is not a drill – this is the enormity of her complete ineptitude to be not just a mother, but a decent human being.

In 2008 I had a phone call with her that cemented me on the path that I have since followed – staying true to myself, and using my self-awareness to know what it good for me, and what is not.

I told her to fuck off, and I meant it. I haven’t spoken to her since.

This isn’t my X Factor sob story, no-one here is crying anymore. I’m over it. My point is the negative habits and beliefs that she instilled in me outweighed all the great things by a million to one – because she made me believe I wasn’t worthy. That I wasn’t destined for the mediocre, never mind greatness! She made me believe I wasn’t enough, and because that became my core belief – I applied it to everything. I was an overachiever at school, leading to my descent into illness over GCSE stress. I overcompensated in all of my relationships and ran them into the ground before they even had a chance to get started, and when I inevitably went off the rails, I even managed to screw that up.

I believed I wasn’t good enough – and the contrast between that and the belief in my gut that I was capable of amazing things sent me a little bit mad!

With the help of my amazing parents and lots of therapy, I was able to re-wire my brain and become the person I am today.

My true self.

It’s no mean feat. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do – but having control over your mind, understanding how it works and why it works in that way is the most powerful lesson I have ever learned. My Mom (acquired) has a catchphrase – she says ‘Knowledge is Power’. Can you understand now how she was incremental in me becoming who I am today?

Enter the Law of Attraction. I have spoken a lot about this, and I don’t want to preach – but this made me level up when it came to understanding the power of my mind, and it’s how I’ve lived for the past 5 years. I am aligned, I am in a great place in my life and things are appearing before my eyes.

I now KNOW that I am enough – not for the guys that come and go, the bosses that treated me like a Stepford Wife or the people whose social media feeds I fleetingly appear on… I am enough for myself, and with that realisation, the notion that I am, indeed ‘Destined For Greatness’ has grown into something that I know in my heart to be the truth.

So where do I go from here?

A few months ago, my friend (and boss) Jenni and I were talking about a conference down in London that had Marketing Guru Gary Vaynerchuk as one of its speakers (I’ll give you a second to Google him). After that conversation, I got a picture of the exhibition advert (Expert Empires) and I stuck it on my vision board, and a few weeks later Jenni told me she had booked herself a ticket. I was chuffed because I thought it was a sign that one of us was supposed to be there. Now normally, when something on my board appears, I take it off, but with this I couldn’t. I knew that it was supposed to be me that was going. I didn’t know how or why, I just knew I had to be there.

The day before the exhibition I got an email from Jenni, asking me to go in her place because something had come up. My jaw hit my desk and the first words I typed back were “SHUT UP!“ I leapt into action – changing my name on the ticket, sorting out care for Willow & Wednesday, looking up train times, and the whole time my hands were shaking and my heart was beating hard in my chest. I was excited, but my excitement was overshadowed by the realisation that this was a MONUMENTAL thing that I had brought to myself. I had made this happen in a matter of weeks. I was SUPPOSED to be there and something significant was about to happen.

Hurried arrangements were made, and at 5.30am the next morning I found myself at New St Station waiting for the train that would take me to the event that has made me level up once more. Not just to the next step – but up the fucking precipice of my life’s path!

Expert Empires – two days out of my life that have changed it forever. For real. I sat and listened to some of the world’s most influential people speak about how they achieved their greatness, all hugely successful, all of them millionaires and all of them with one singular message: “Stay true to yourself.” Then one guy – Ryan Pinnick came on the stage.

I had seen him across the room the day before, and instantly dismissed him as a ‘Topknot Twat’ (you know the type), and when he came on stage I said to the girl next to me “like I’m going to be able to take anything this guy says seriously”.

I was wrong. I was fundamentally and catastrophically W R O N G! This guy spoke to my soul. He explained life in the way I have been looking for these past few months. He took The Law of Attraction as I know it and he made it look like child’s play! This shit was NEXT LEVEL. He kept asking how far down the rabbit hole we wanted him to take us. There was only one logical response: “all the way!” I’ve been waiting for the nudge to let me know that it’s time to take that leap, and this was it. He got it. He got ME.

Things happen for a fucking reason! The Universe gives you the things you need to keep you on your path. Being asked to go to Expert Empires at the last minute was no accident! I have found answers to how further my career in Digital Marketing, I have learned about business and money, and I have sat and understood things that I didn’t think my brain was capable of. ‘Inspired’ is not even the tip of the iceberg to how I felt over those two days – but being introduced to the idea of unleashing my ‘Super Genius’ during Ryan’s talk had a more profound effect on me than anything that has ever happened.

Now, I realise that I sound like a nutter to most. Or like I’ve been brainwashed by some hippie cult – but when you see things happening before your eyes that cannot be dismissed as coincidence – it’s kind of hard to argue.  I have attracted some really important people into my life this past year, three of which had been estranged for years. Is it an accident that they have come back to me now I am living as my true self? Is it a coincidence?

There are no accidents. There are no coincidences.

As I type this I actually have goose bumps and chills – because I feel the power and enormity of it all. I am in the zone. I am making things happen and I feel like I am unstoppable. Hearing all those speakers echo my thoughts, and finding more and more people who are bound to The Universe as I am only cements the reality of it all to me. These people are at the very top of their game – and they all made it happen because they stayed authentic and true to themselves, they knew their vision and they hustled like motherfuckers on their way up.

These people have no time for the mediocre. They all made a point of surrounding themselves with positive, like-minded people. People who had vision, ambition and fire in their bellies. So I’m going to join them – and I’m taking my inner circle with me, because they are all on their way there too.

I know my genius lies in my creativity and my writing. It lies in reaching out to people and speaking as a common voice and in staying true to myself. I have found my focus, and now I know where I am headed I have no time for anything that is going to defer me on the way there. No time for doubts, or anyone that makes me feel like I am not enough. No time for procrastination and bullshit. No time for anything but the end goal, and my inner circle.

I am not destined for normal or hum drum. I am not destined to simply exist day-to-day until I land in a grave. I am not destined for a life that was mapped out for me by others. I am Destined For Greatness.

Watch this space.

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